Most parents would tell you they got along great with their children until they reached “that age.” Although the age they’re referring to can vary hugely, they’re usually referencing the moody, hormonal teenage years, where no one wants to get out of bed or do homework.
For the most part, however, parents will also tell you that this is something which passes with age, as teens mature into young adults. One mum, sadly, has not shared this experience with her own 20-year-old son.
In a post which has recently resurfaced, the mum took to Mumsnet to vent about her “lazy” offspring and how “disgusting” he is to live with, even going as far as confession she wants him to move out.
“He has always been lazy, he never bothered with school (he went, but only did what he needed to do), he doesn’t care about how he looks, spends all his money on s*** (thankfully not alcohol or drugs, but computer games, crisps, sweets, fizzy pop, biscuits etc) and generally just acts extremely immature,” she explained.
Her son is currently studying to become a personal trainer at college, although she doesn’t believe he’s committed to his chosen career path as he “doesn’t eat properly or train,” meaning she and her husband “can’t see it going anywhere.”
“His room is disgusting and I mean disgusting. Whenever he opens his bedroom door, the smell that comes from it is terrible and even my younger children complain about it,” she continued.
“He leaves clean clothes which I’ve washed and ironed on the floor in a pile, mixed with dirty clothes. He takes food upstairs and it gets left uneaten for days, so the plates are encrusted with food, he never uses a bin so the rubbish is scattered all over the floor.”
And, it’s not just his bedroom which is a mess. The 20-year-old shares a bathroom with his younger brother and constantly leaves “smelly towels” lying around as well as empty shampoo and soap bottles.
The mum revealed her son also “constantly argues” with her husband, which is something he’s always done, but she finds it really difficult to deal with.
“This is something he has always done, and it doesn’t matter what we do/say to him it doesn’t make any difference,” she wrote.
“I have tried helping him clean the room, to show how lovely it can be when it’s nice, it doesn’t matter, I have tried not cleaning his clothes, he just wears dirty clothes and will take his dads socks/underwear and wear that.
“We have tried speaking to him in a calm manner (I have been in tears in front of him), it doesn’t work, I have screamed and shouted at him, it doesn’t matter, nothing works.”
Her son now has a girlfriend, and she had hoped it might make him want to improve on his home hygiene by having her around, but when she asked him about it, he said his girlfriend’s bedroom is just like his.
He has, however, started spending a lot more time away at his girlfriend’s house, and his mum says while he’s away “the calm that descends on the house is fabulous,” adding that she’s gotten to the point of dreading him coming home.
“He never has any money as he spends it all, so therefore he needs to ask me, and if I say I’m not giving you any money he just says, well I just won’t bother going to college or work,” she wrote.
“He also threatens not to babysit his younger siblings if I don’t give him money (we don’t have any other family that we could ask to babysit).”
The mum then turned to Reddit to question whether she was unreasonable for feeling the way she does towards her son, and asked whether anyone had any advice on how to handle the situation going forward.
One Reddit user commented: “Call his bluff and stop giving him money at all. If he’s studying and working, he should be able to support himself and pay you rent.
“Put him on notice that if he doesn’t start doing that, he will need to move out and set a date when this will happen. He’s 20 years old, he needs to start taking responsibility for himself, and he needs tough love from you to make that happen.”
“It’s ultimatum time. Give him two months to get his s*** together, to sort out his room, to start being a proper member of your family. He has an income, if he wants to live in a pig sty he can go rent a room somewhere,” another added.
“You have a right to a pleasant peaceful home, your younger children deserve to live somewhere clean, tidy and not plagued by a selfish adult who causes arguments through his appalling disdain for your home and upsets you and your husband.”